Chanel Print Giveaway- NOW CLOSED

Hey there beautifuls!

Remember the other weekend when I went to The Little Black Jacket exhibition in Chelsea?
I told you I'd picked up 3 extra prints for a giveaway? Well, don't worry I haven't forgotten about you. 
If you're a blogger, you'll know that at this time of year, photographing products and indeed yourself becomes a massive issue due to the low evening lighting. Also, I kind of wanted to show you how awesome these prints look when they are framed.
Anyway, here are the prints on my kitchen wall, gorgeous aren't they? I loved them so much, I couldn't help thinking about you little lot when I was there, I thought you gals would love them too.

So if you want to win the set of 3 (unfortunetly the un-framed versions) here's what you should do:
- Be a follower of my blog on GFC (blogger)
- Leave a comment below with you name on GFC, an email address that I can contact you on, tell me which print is your favourite and where abouts in your house you plan to hang them.

I'm going to leave this giveaway open for a little longer than my last one. You'll have 3 weeks to enter this time, and then I'll pick a winner at random. Oh, it's open internationally too, I don't want to leave any of you lovelies out. Good luck everyone!

Youtube#7 Vlog catch up, Louise Constad make-up artist course

Morning everyone, Mondays' are tough huh?

We walked into work this morning. I love seeing London in the Autumn mornings, walking all along embankment, past Parliament and Big Ben, it's a pretty good way to wake yourself up in the morning.

I'm back in the office today, and it does feel a little strange not applying make-up to models hehe.

Anyway, if you missed my vlog last night over on my Youtube channel, here it is. I'm just blabbing on about my make-up artist course, I hope you enjoy it :)

Photo Diary #10 Because, we own the sky

Hi there chaps, did you miss me?!

Don't worry, I haven't abandoned you, I've just had the craziest week on my make-up artist course, it completely zonked me out. I loved every second though.
I have to say I really did miss blogging, I think if I'd had coffee I would have been able to, but caffine shakes and applying eyeliner to models do NOT mix well. I know I said I would vlog each night, but I don't think I realised how intense the make-up artist course was going to be, especially the shoot on Friday. You'll be happy to know I have filmed a vlog about my week for you though, it'll be up ASAP.

Tonight, I just thought I'd share a few snaps from today with you. We spent our Sunday in Chelsea, to pick up a gorgeous jumper I was desperate for (more on that later), and get some frames for the prints we got last time we were in Chelsea. We swung by a noodle bar called 'Phat Phuc' (tehe, I couldn't help but laugh at this, I'm so immature) and sat on Kings Road for a quick latte to warm up. I do love Chelsea dates :)

I've got a few posts planned already for the week, I feel like I have so much to say to you guys after my week off!

What have you been up to over the weekend?

Youtube#6 Vlog Louise Constad make-up artist training, day 1

 

Hey lovely readers, just a quick one because I am zonked, and I need to do my Vogue homework (geek). 
I look so exhausted in this video, so sorry about that. I literally just got home and started filming, I haven't touched up my own make-up all day! Too busy practising on the models to even look in the mirror at myself.

I thought I'd do a little vlog each night of my Louise Constad make-up artist course to let you all know how it's all going. 
The first day has been incredible, I feel like I've soaked up so much information my brain is fried. Early night for me I think! I literally can't wait to go back in tomorrow and learn more. 
I'm planning on doing some tutorials for you guys, once I've got a bit more practising done and I feel like I'm actually good!

Have you ever done a make up course before?

Youtube#5 What's in my handbag?

 

I finally got around to making another video for you guys, sorry it's been so long! Yes, it's the ever famous 'What's in my handbag' tag. I am always so late to jump on the bandwagon aren't I?! I did rant on for a while, sorry folks. Also, sorry about the hangover face and 3 day old hair. Yes, I am a skank. It's been one of those days wear the PJs haven't come off yet. Hence the last shot in my video, spotty PJ alert! Don't judge me.

What have you beautiful people been up to this weekend? 
On Saturday Stef and I had a private tennis coach for an hour. I felt kind of sorry for him because my  skills are laughable, so he had his hands full, but that means I can only get better, right? After tennis I had a lovely catch up with a few of my uni buddies, we went to Gordans' Wine Bar (the oldest wine bar in London) on the Embankment. It's like a little underground cave, definitely recommend it if you like that kind of thing.
On Saturday night, Stef and I went to our favourite local pub in Clapham, where we gorged on hotdogs, pizza and red wine. We stayed up until 2am geeking out over this snowboarding movie. It's pretty crazy stuff, most of the shots don't even look real to me. It's absolutely stunning though, and makes me so excited go go snowboarding in the new year. Do any of you snowboard or ski? 

Today all I've done is organise my wardrobe (yes, I like it to be in order) and film this video. I'm pretty nervous about my make-up artist course tomorrow, I'm just going to try and soak up as much as possible, wish me luck! 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the video. Have you done this tag? Leave your links below if you have :)

TAG: Blogging Love

The Quilt is from Urban Outfitters :)

Hey there gals, I'm going a little tag crazy at the moment. This is another from the gorgeous Kayleigh.
It's pretty self explanatory:  list 5 things you love about blogging, tell us your blogging aim, your top blogging tip, and a blogger who inspired you along the way. Grab yourself a cuppa and enjoy!

5 reasons I love blogging
This is so easy. the hard part was picking 5 of the best things. I never expected blogging to become such a big part of my life, or that I would love it nearly half as much as I do. I actually look forward to logging into blogger in the morning and seeing all the shiny new posts for me to read.

#1 Friends- I have met so many gorgeous new friends through blogging. I can't even tell you how much I love you ladies (naaaww <3 ). I don't know why, but before I got involved with blogging, I thought making 'internet friends' was a little strange. It just goes to prove how wrong I was, I totally take it all back now though, the girls that I've 'met' and got to know through blogging are genuinely some of the nicest girls I know. I can't wait to eventually meet you all. I'm not going to mention names, there are far too many of you, but you all really make my day, and I love speaking to you every day. When I first started blogging a while ago, I was really reserved, never got involved or commented really, I've been so overwhelmed at the fact that I'd made internet blogger pals, I dedicated a whole post to it here. It's definitely got to be the best thing that has come out of blogging. 

#2 Logging life  I love the fact that I have a whole part of my life logged on the internet. I'll be able to go back and check what I was doing on certain weekends, which products I liked, and just be able to see what was going on in my life. It's kind of like an online diary in a way. That's pretty cool in itself, isn't it?

#3 Inspiration My main inspiration has got to be from you guys. Reading your posts and seeing your photos, chatting to you. You make me want to blog. I love going to sites like Tumblr, We Heart it, and Pinterest. I see everything differently. I love those moments when I'm just going about your daily life and suddenly I think 'Oh that'd be great to blog about'. Everything can be an inspiration. It makes you appreciate the little things.

#4 Creativity  Lots of  people don't realise, but a lot of work goes into each post before we hit the publish button. Being a 'blogger' makes you constantly think about how you can make something look pretty, or capture a moment in a photo. It forces you to become creative. It makes you look for the beauty in every day situations. (Cheeeesey). It makes you constantly look for inspiration around you.

#5 Trying New Things There are so many products that I never would have even thought about using if I hadn't started 'beauty blogging'. So many brands that I would never have looked to (I'll admit this is partly from being a make up snob). It's been great to be able to go to blogs to read reviews that I know are genuinely honest. 

My blogging aims
#1 I guess my main blogging aim is to just keep keep enjoying it. I never want it to feel like something I have to do, or feel bad for not doing. 
#2 I would absolutely love to get to 1000 followers. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not all about the followers at all, but this would be such a massive achievement for me.
#3 Go to and help arrange a blogger meet up. 
#4 Lastly, be brave enough to actually attend some events on my lonesome! I'm a little too shy for this at the moment!

My top blogging tip
Get chatting! Join in the twitter community, it's the best way to meet other girls and find new blogs that you love. If you really want to be involved, don't be shy, leave comments, get to know people. Remember we all have one thing in common, we love blogging! Oh, and don't be intimidated by 'bigger bloggers', they really are lovely girls too. We all started out the same way after all. 

A blogger who has inspired me along the way
I'm cheating here and telling you about 2.
You all know and love Zoella. Well, Zoes was the first blog I ever found. I remember I was on a coach to London at the time and googling some kind of lipstick, and I came across a review on Zoes blog. That was it. I was hooked. I literally read every single one of her posts. She's such an inspiration. I still look up to her now, absolutely love her youtube channel, if only I had the confidence on camera like she does!
I'm also going to cheat and mention Kayleigh, who I actually found through a tweet of Zoes. Kayleighs' blog is probably my all time fav. She's gorgeous, wrights like she's chatting to you as a friend, and is such a lovely girl when you get to know her too. One of the things I love most about Kayleigh is that she really cares about her readers, and makes such an effort with them. She's an absolute beaut.

So there we have it, I officially love being a blogger :) Have you done the blogging love tag? Send me your link! What are your favourite things about blogging?

Photo Diary#9 Look and see her eyes, they glow...

 A pre-DJ, non gin-induced shot... my lipstick is Topshop Infared  (the best one) if you were wondering. I'm not sure why it's come out pink in this photo though... 

My shirt is from All Saints, earrings are vintage (I blogged about them here).

Hey ladies, I'm in the mood to chat with you guys today, so I thought I'd take advantage and catch you up with my life lately.

# I'm feeling a little fragile today. Last night, after a quick salad, prosecco and espressos, we popped over to a DJ event in Shoredich. There was a free bar. Yup, free frickin' bar. Do I need to carry on? I think you all know what happened... Moral of the story being I should not be allowed unlimited gin on a school night. I am suffering at my desk today. SUFF-ER-ING.

# I've almost made it through the whole month without buying anything.
Is it sad that I'm really proud of this? It's been SO hard. I'm desperatley trying to pay off my student overdraft you see. It's been over 2 years since I graduated and I think it's time to be a grown up now and kiss it goodbye. If you're reading this and you're a student, I cannot emphasize this enough, do NOT go into your overdraft, it's not worth it. Unless you're extremely lucky enough to have a lovely Mother and Father who don't mind bailing you out, it's just not worth it. It's a beast to get out of.  
 I nearly cracked yesterday when I went into Topshop (my most favouritest shop ever) and saw this, this, this, and these. It was like pure torture. Should I treat myself this payday?

# Next week I'm finally doing my Louise Constad make-up course. Louise has worked with so many celebs, Elle Macpherson amoungst them. She's done the make-up for adverts like Maxfactor too. I'm so excited about meeting her and taking in her pearls of wisdom.
It's pretty much a  new chapter of my life, after I've completed the course, I'm going to start building up a portfolio, get a business website together, and hopefully start some freelance make-up jobs. It's a new skill that I'll always have under my belt. I'll try my best to share as much of my week as I can with you, I'm thinking of doing a few Youtube tutorials on the things I learn.
My boyfriend bought me this course (massive thank you!), and I'll never be able to tell you how much I appriciate this and how grateful I am for the opportunity. I've always wanted to do a make up artist course, but as you all know, they are MEGA BUCKS, and I am a little pauper.

#I am planning on filming another Youtube video this weekend. I know I've been terrible at making them regular, and a few of you have asked me when my next one will be. I'll pop it up sometime next week. I still feel like such a nervous geek. But, geeks are best, yes?

#Stef and I are planning on a snowboarding trip next year, which I'm super excited about because I've never done a snow holiday before. I can't wait to be up on a mountain (and blog from a mountain). I'm planning on heading to the snow dome to do a bit of practising first, god knows I'll need all the practice I can get. I've planned my outfit already of course. This, this, these and this should do the job nicely. What do you think?

Anyway, I'll pop off now, I seem to have rambled sufficiantly. What's going on with all of you lovely lot recently?

P.s Todays post title is from a M83 song called 'midnight city', go listen to it, it's my fav at the moment!

TAG: Get to know me...

I know you've seen this snap before, but I'm recycling it 'cos it's one of the only ones of me that I semi-like!

Heeeey ladies,
I've been having a lovely chat with a few of my blogger buddies over the past few days, and the ever so beautiful Kayleigh from Couture Girl suggested we do this 'Get to know me' tag, thanks honey :)
I'm sure you all know her blog already, but if not, go and check it out, it's amazing!
So, here goes...

Are you named after anyone?
Not that I know of. I do happen to know that if I had been a boy, I would have been called Teddy. Thank god I wasn’t a boy then, huh?! 

When was the last time you cried?
This sounds really lame (and vacuous), but last Saturday morning I cried because I had no fake tan left and I felt pale :( I know this seems super vein but I think it stems from being completely poor at the moment and not being able to buy anything or treat myself. I know it shouldn't but it's kind of getting me down.

Do you have children?
No, not yet, but I'd love to in the near future. I always worry people will look at me funny when im pregnant because I look so young. I'm nearly 24 though and I think that's perfectly old enough! Being a Mum is the one thing that I've always known I wanted to do.

If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?
Hehe I love this question. I think I would, I'm pretty easy to approach and talk to, and I like to think I'm  a loyal friend too. Although I'd like to think of myself as being pretty fun, I do tend to keep people at arms length for a while though, while I'm figuring them out!

Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Mmmm, not really...

What's your favourite cereal?
I LOVE cereal. I'm weird; I could eat cereal for every meal every day. At the moment I'm obsessed with rice crispies, but I have to have them when they are soggy. With warm milk, mmm.

Whats the first thing you notice about people?
Erm, I suppose someone's face would be the first thing I'd look at. That's normal right?!

What's you eye colour?
Greeny, Greyish, Bluey. A random colour basically.

Scary movies or happy endings?
I love scary movies, I have a kind of sick, inappropriate sense of humour. They don’t actually ever scare me though... But then I guess, like any girl, I'm a total sucker for a love story. (vom).

Favourite smells?
At the moment Laura Mercier body soufflé in Creme Broulee. OH MY GOD. I just want to bath in the stuff, like, every night.
Mac Turquatic. That really crisp fresh smell on an early autumn morning, like this morning when I walked to work it had been raining through the night and it smelt incredible out. The smell of the sea. Ooo and toast toasting... there's just too many good smells in this world aaahhh!

Summer or Winter?
Oh I love both. I love winter fashion and being all cosey, but I do enjoy a nice little bask in the sun, and a tan, and Pinot in the hammock.

Computer or television?
Computer 100%. Theres so much more you can do, blog, chat, music, photos (and watch tv?!)etc.

What's the furthest you’ve been away from home?
I went to the Bahamas this year which is about 9 hours away. Oh, I blogged about that here if you'd like to nosey at the photos :) It was the most incredible holiday ever.

Do you have any special talents?
Erm not really, a kid I would never stick to one hobby, so I never really got good at anything!

Where were you born?
The lovely Torquay, in Devon (the English South-West Countryside) for those of you who don't know. I lived there with my Mum until I was 18 and moved to Bath for university. Now I live in London and absolutely love it here. Kinda wish I'd just come to Uni here in fact!

What are your hobbies?
I like reading, blogging, yoga, running and I’ve recently started tennis. I'm shocking at it, but it's fun anyway (when I'm not stropping about losing).

Favourite movies?

I have looooads, but the last movie I saw that I particularly liked was Moonrise Kingdom (Wes Anderson). I seriously just wanted to be Suzy’s pal.

So there you have it, a little bit about me. I love these kinds of  tags, we're all such a nosey bunch! Have you done the get to know me tag? If so, feel free to leave me the link.

If you'd like to know anything else about me feel free to leave a question or tweet me :)

Soho.

Sorry for the squinty eyes!

Oh haaaii ladies.

I've noticed a nice little handful of new readers, so hellooo gals and thank you :)
Last week I literally had the clumsiest week. I mean EVER. I won't bore you with the whole list of happenings, but  I managed to fall up the escalator on the tube. My whole handbag spilt everywhere and I bruised my hand and leg. Those metal stairs are lethal I tell you, lethal! I had such a little tomato face and was trying so hard not to cry. What a baby. After I'd scrabbled all my things together I basically ran into my office.
Friday morning I must of somehow got a big blob of eyelash glue on he back of my phone without realizing. When I went to go and pick it up, it was stuck to the windowsill. Wonderful. When I got to work I realized I had my tights on inside out too... honestly though, the list is never ending this week, what's wrong with me?!

Enough of that, onto my lashes. Ooooh I'm loving the falsies at the moment aren't I? These are the 'Soho' Lashes from Millie Mackintoshes range for Noveau.
I would probably class these as more of a 'night-time' looking lash, but I just can't resist wearing them to the office now, I feel so naked without lashes now, I think I'm developing a problem.
The Mayfair lashes are still my favourite so far (I've reviewed these in full if you want to know the technical details about the lashes), but what I like about these is that they are quite a lot thicker and much fuller. They're really noticeable but still fairly natural looking. I don't want to repeat too much of my last review, but these are so easy to apply and the adhesive is pretty darn good. I just thought I'd show you how they looked on!  

Are any of you going to the Eyelure and Elegant Touch event this Thursday at W? The lovely Laura from Belles Boutique managed to get me an invite (what a lil' sweety she is), but she can't make it anymore and I'm really nervous about going on my lonesome.
I know they'll be lots of bloggers there, but I'm pretty shy and awkward, I've never been to one of these things before and I'm not gonna lie, I'm slightly terrified. I know it's ridiculous cos' everyone I've spoken to from the blogging world have been lovely, but please do let me know if you're going, I'd like a buddy!

Photo Diary#8 Playing in Chelsea

Outside The Saatchi Gallery | Warm coffee cocktail | my favourite Little Black Jacket prints | French market cakes

Hey darlings, how the hell are your weekends going so far?!

I woke up this morning with an extremely fuzzy head. Champagne and cocktail hangover you see, after a day and night playing in Chelsea. I literally can't remember last time I was this hungover! 

Yesterday after a feisty game of tennis (I think I finally got the hang of it), Stef and I decided to head over to Chelsea to take a peek at the new exhibitions in The Saatchi Gallery.

Our first Stop was the Gallery Mess Restaurant  . It's gorgeous in there, artwork all over the walls and giant trees with flowers and fairy lights on. I decided on the beetroot and goats cheese ravioli, it was absolutely delicious, I couldn't contain my excitement when I cut into the first piece and discovered the inside was bright pink and looked like cake!! Wowee!! We sipped our way through a bottle of prosecco and headed into the gallery.

Our favourite exhibition was called  'Little Black Jacket'. It's basically a photographic celebration of CoCo Chanel's classic little black jacket. The pictures are in a darkened room (hence dark pictures, sorry ladies) and range from children to celebrities, all modelling the black jacket. The best thing about the exhibition is that guests are invited to take home a choice of 3 prints for themselves (completely free), which are stacked up in the middle of the room. We are going to frame ours and hang them in our kitchen. 

I picked up an extra 3 prints for you lovelies, I'll be doing a give-away for those this week so keep your eyes peeled. I just thought they're such beautiful prints to frame for your bedroom walls, and what girl wouldn't like a bit of Chanel hanging up in her house, huh? 

The exhibition is on until the 28th of October, so if you get the chance, I'd definitely recommend it. 

After the gallery, we mooched around the French food market for a bit, can I just say, how scrummy do these cakes look?! Then we headed up Kings road for some window shopping, my boyfriend was a lil' sweety and treated me to a new coat from Anthropologie (my favourite shop ever). You cant really see it in the photo, but it's a nude pink kind of colour and has a big brown fur collar which goes all the way down the front of the coat. I'm totally in love with it. In fact I might even do a whole post on it later this week. I can't say I wasn't slightly worried about spilling my warm coffee cocktail down it though, I've been clumsier than usual this week (more on that later)!

Post warm coffee cocktails (which are, by the way, the most Christmassy thing ever), our walk to South Kensington tube station, of course turned into a bar crawl. I tried a few new cocktails, Cucumber sour, Crack Daddy, Passion Fruit Mojito. Cucumber sour is officially my new drink of choice. I don't know where it's been all my life. Seriously gals, you need to try it!! When we eventually did make it home, we cracked open a bottle of champagne, God knows I didn't need any more to drink, but we were just having such a great time! 

So yeah, sore head today. I think we're just going to head to the movies later to see Loopa. I think it's best I sit in a dark room when I feel like this! Have any of you seen Loopa yet?

What've you been up to this weekend? Have you ever had a great day/night in Chelsea? I want to hear about it! 

And she was said to be very beautiful, by people who ought to know

If this hand cream were a person, she would be a comforting old Grandma, sitting outside a tea-room in Chelsea, wearing vintage pearls and spilling all her very best baking secrets to you.

The smell of Yardley hand cream reminds me of Sunday teatimes, Antiques Roadshow (did any of you used to watch that?! I'm still kind of partial to it, but don't tell anyone), and eating salmon sandwiches from a cake stand with a nice cup of tea. It's a mixture of lots of yummy things including sweet almond oil and shea butter, and smells divine. Any of you who have been reading my blog for a while will know that I normally really dislike strongly scented products, so you'll know how gorgeous this must be fore me to make an exception for it. I know it's a bit of a strange one to review, but I always have a tube of hand cream in my handbag and on my bedside table too, and I've finally found one I really love.

Yardley has a kind of whipped buttery consistency, and sinks in nice and quickly, leaving your hands lovely and soft. It's such a little treat for your hands, especially as the weathers getting chillier now, I find my hands become drier. Oh, and it's anti aging too. It just sounds fancy, and makes me feel a little luxurious. I'm one step away from waving my hands in the air and shouting about it, so I’ll leave you with the price and link :) It's actually pretty cheap, only £3.99 and you can find it on their website here.

Have you tried Yardley hand cream before? Which hand cream do you normally use?

Photo Diary#7 The Silver Pepper of the Stars

Brogues in the autumn leaves | My new Vintage earrings | Brownies and Morroccan Tea | London Southbank at Sunset | Walking in the Sunshine | Traintracks

 Hey girls and guys, it's been a while since I did a little photo update, and I know what a nosey old bunch we all are, so feast your eyes on a few of the pics from my gorgeous weekend. 
I didn't take any photos on Friday night, but after work, my boyfriend and I hit Byron Burger. They do the most insane burgers, if you haven't been, you're missing out! They're dotted all over London, check them out here. It probably wasn't the best of ideas though... straight after we ate, we were heading to a yoga and meditation class. Surprisingly my cheeseburger didn't make a re-appearance! hehe. 
Oh, I can confirm that you can totally get away with wearing fake eyelashes to yoga. Don't judge me. 

Saturday was such a gorgeous sunny day, so we headed over to the tennis court for a match. Later on we found ourselves in town in a swanky little tapas bar called PIX. It's on Neal Street in Covent Garden and I would 100% recommend their cocktails, they're kind of pricey, but the Espresso Martini was absolute perfection. Coffee and alcohol combined, what's not to love? Seriously?! Whoever invented that, I applaud you. We strolled across to Southbank as the sun was setting (the skyline was un-real) for a few more cheeky G&Ts. The rest of the night was spent killing badies (or in my case, trying really hard to kill badies) on the xbox.

Sunday I'll admit I wasn't feeling the best from the night before, but more tennis and a run around Clapham Common certainly sorted me out! The rest of the day has involved a walk to Clapham Old Town where we snacked on brownies, strawberries and Moroccan tea (isn't the teapot beautiful?). We sat outside to read our books, until it got a little chilly. 
I dipped into a little pop up vintage shop, it was like a 60's time-warp. Basically Don Drapers apartment.  My beady little eyes spotted these gorgeous little clip on earrings. They're my new favourite thing and such a bargain at £5. I've wrote a post about vintage earring shopping a while back, here if any of you are interested. I love finding little gems like these that I know no-one else will have, don't you? It always makes them feel so much more special, little reminders of great weekends like this one :) 

Oh, and if  you were wondering, the title of my post is a quote from the book I'm buried in at the moment. It's a very famous American novel that you probably all know, 'The Great Gatsby' by b F.Scott Fitzgerald. I'm absolutely loving it so far, I wish Gatsby were real, I'd love to party at his mansion! I know they've made a movie out of it now, but it's not out until 2013 :( It's definitely one I'm looking forward to though, it looks pretty intense and Cary Mulligan and Leonardo Dicaprio are starring in it too. Dicaprio as Gatsby seems like such the perfect casting. 

I love Autumn weekends, it's such a beautiful season, so many colours and the smell... do you know what I mean? You just want to bottle it. 

What have you all been up to this weekend? Are you as excited about the Gatsby movie as I am?

For anyone who has lost someone...

I'm writing this post for any of you who have experienced loss.

It's something that every single one of us will have to go through at some point in our lives, I just happened to go through it quite early on in mine. I'm no expert, I'm still dealing with my own loss, but if I can help just one person who is going through something similar, or who has gone through it, then that's all that matters.

I recognize that everyone grieves differently, but I'm going to talk to you about my own experience, which was losing my beautiful Mother to cancer just over two years ago.
I'll never forget the moment we were told Mum had cancer. I literally just burst into tears. The sense of shock running through me was indescribable, I’ve never felt anything like it since.
My mum never really wanted to speak about being ill, she never gave too much away, she just carried on living as normally as she could and having fun. When I look back now, I completely understand why she did this and why she didn't tell us. After just over a year, she lost her battle.

I was lucky enough to be in a situation where I was able to leave everything and go and look after my mum towards the end when she became very poorly. I'd literally just handed in my dissertation when I found out, so I was able to just up and leave. My sister was free-lance at the time too, so she did the same (thank God we had each other). Although caring for and nursing my mum in the 3 months before she died was the most horrendous thing I'll ever go through, I'm so glad I did it. Seeing your Mum not being able to talk or move, and in pain, is something that you can never prepare yourself for. In a strange way it puts my mind at ease that she knew every day when she woke up that my sister and I were there for her. When she had to be moved to the hospice, we moved in too, we had little camp beds set up in her room, we didn't want to spend a minute away from her.

Straight after my mum died, everything changed in my life. Literally. I had to move flats. I'd finished my third year of university so all my friends had moved away. I had to start a new job. I fell out with someone who I thought was a really close friend. My sister, (my only family) lived 2 hours away. I couldn't go 'home' because home wasn't there to go to. I've never felt more alone or lost in my entire life. I felt like I had nothing stable, routine or constant in my life. All of these changes along with losing the most important person to me, (the person I would normally turn to for all of these things) were extremely hard to process and deal with.

After (and during) losing someone, you go through this crazy intense concoction of horrible toxic emotions. I felt like I completely lost myself, and I couldn't see anything good in life anymore, I just didn't see the point in anything.
The main two things I remember distinctly, were feeling numb and like the whole thing was extremely surreal. It felt like I was in some hideous nightmare, or that I was looking down at someone else’s life, not mine. I just couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it.
I became really good at pretending I was okay, I didn't think anyone would want to be around me if I was upset all the time. The only time I would ever really show my emotion would be if I'd had too much to drink. Which was never a good idea. I got really angry about what had happened, then scared that I could have done something to change it. I started to become really resentful of other people, for having families, homes, and not being grateful enough for them. I'd get frustrated that no one knew how to console me or what to say to me. It made me terrified of losing people, and made me scared to get close to anyone incase I lost them. I saw how fragile everything actually is. 
 I felt really disconnected from everything and everyone. Sometimes I still feel all of these things.  

I thought I would share with you a few of the things that have helped me...

*Don't be afraid to ask for help, this doesn't mean you are weak.

*Express your feelings in a creative way, I write in a diary and sometimes draw pictures around quotes I like. Try and express your feelings, turn them into something productive, or something beautiful.

*If you feel like you need answers or don't understand something that happened to ther person you've lost, write a letter to their GP or hospital. They are really good with this and usually reply within 2 weeks. I wrote a letter to my Mums GP and hospital asking them to explain everything to me, from dates of appointments to medication, right up until the end. This is a tough letter to read, but does help with getting a sense of closure.

*Find some positive quotes or lyrics about life (or death, whatever helps) and write them down. When you feel particularly bad, read through them all. I still do this now.

*Really look after yourself. Eat things you love, treat yourself shopping. Do anything that gives you even the tiniest glimpse of happiness.

*Find some music that you absolutely love, and get lost in it every day. Don't think about anything else while you’re listening to it. Let it be total escapsim.

*If you feel you need to, speak to a professional. You can go to your doctors and be referred to a councilor (completly free through the NHS up to 6 sessions or more if they think you need it), or you can find one privately. I went to 3 or 4 sessions with a councilor just after my mums passing, I don't think I was quite ready for this at the time, it was all still sinking in and I wasn't really ready to talk about it or process my feelings. Now I think I may be ready in the near future to try again, if I need to.

*There are other ways to speak to professionals too, you don't have to be in the same room as person. You can just call up a bereavement line, or even chat in online forums with people. Staying connected and being able to relate to people helps an awful lot, trust me. I spent one evening chatting to a few random people in a Macmillan forum one night. It did feel a little strange, but everyone was going through something similar, and in a strange kind of way, that's comforting.

*Try not to push family and friends away. I still struggle with this now.

*Don't feel guilty for having happy moments, relish in them. Sometimes I think I used to feel bad if I was laughing or happy, I thought other people must have been thinking 'why isn't she upset, her mum just died'. Even if they were thinking this, it doesn't matter. Don't ever feel bad for it.

*If you need to acknowledge the person you have lost, do it.
This year my boyfriend took me to the Bahamas, at one point I was totally alone on the most perfect beautiful beach you could possibly imagine, it blew me away. Then I got this overwhelming feeling of sadness that my mum would never experience it, that I couldn’t even tell her about it. Instead of getting upset, I just decided to say hello to my mum. It sounds a little strange, but I said 'Hi mummy particles, I wonder if any of you ended up here?! I wish you could see what I'm seeing'. That was enough, and I felt better.

Those are just some tiny things that helped me.

I used to have days, weeks even when I would just think to myself 'when will this stop hurting? When will it go away?' I hate to say it, but the truth is, that it doesn't. You just learn to live with it, you slowly learn to deal with it in another way, other wise it eats you up. It will change your whole life, and weather you choose to make this positive or negative is completely up to you. You have to be the strong one.

I suppose my main message is that you are NOT alone, and you don’t have to go through any of this alone, so please don't ever think that.
Things will get better. There are always people out there you can talk to who are going through the same thing, or just professionals who are there specifically to help you. Sometimes people won’t know what to say to you, but that's okay, it's probably because they've never been through something like this and it's hard to relate to. Heck, I've been through it, come out the other end, and I still don't know what to say to people. But I understand that now.

Even now I still get those little pangs of resentment towards people, and I hate myself for that, but I can't help it. I feel frustrated, angry and upset that I can't share everything with my mum, like everyone else. So much in my life has changed that she'll never know about. And, no matter how old you are, you always need your Mum right? I want her to know how happy I am now, even silly things like telling her what my favourite book is at the moment. Her death has totally changed me, I feel like a totally different person, in so many ways. Of course I'm still me, but I see everything so differently now. I can be in the bleakest situation, but I know, ultimately I'll be okay. When things feel impossible, I force myself to consciously look for the beauty in life. Everything has beauty, you just have to teach yourself how to see it, let the past make you into a better person.

Try to remember that life is, for the most part, pretty amazing. You need to lap it up while you can. For me, right now, I feel like I'm finally in a good place in my life where everything is going well and I can say that I am truly happy. Of course I miss my mum, I think about her every single day, and I’ll always carry that sadness within me, but that's part of who I am now, and I have to carry on. I've learnt that it's okay to let go, everything will be okay.
We only get one chance at living in this funny old world, we might as well try to enjoy it as much as we can. Every minute you spend being upset or negative, is a minute that could have been spent being happy. Remember that life is fragile and time really is precious.

So, if you've made it to the end of this loooong post, do something for me. No matter where you are or what you're doing today, give your Mum (or Dad or Grandad, Sister etc) a call, even a text or email and just let them know how much you love them.

Gunmetal

Hey guys, how are you all doing today?
Last night my instead of having a super early night (like I've been planning to all week), my boyfriend and I ended up playing tennis for 2 HOURS. I did strop through the first hour though, and apparently I stick my bum out when I'm stropping?! But, look at me getting all sporty, who would have thought, eh?! I'm doing hot yoga tonight in this gorgeous yoga studio by my office, (I know, on a Friday night, who does that?!). I'm wondering if I can get away with wearing my false eyelashes? I'm not sure if the heat will melt the glue and then I'll just end up looking like a total mess? HELP!!
I've got a personal post for you tomorrow, kind of nervous about it, so please be nice :)

Anyhoo, meet my new favourite 'go to' black varnish for winter. Gunmetal  As worn by my girl crush Mills Mackintosh. This is a rich black shade with silver pearl running through it. It's kind of metallicy, and I just think it's really grungy and cool. I really like the formula for this, I'm wearing 2 layers, but you can definitely get away with one. The only bad thing was that it chipped after 2 or 3 days, not ideal, but perhaps this was because I was too lazy to add a topcoat?
Hope you all have a great weekend :)

The Mayfair Lash #MilliesLashes

Hey darlings, how are you all? Firstly I wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who left a comment and tweeted me about my last post, it really made my day!

It's taken me a while to get a around to it, but I've finally got a review for the Millies Lashes for you.
I have to say I was totally scared to put these lashes on myself, that's why this review has taken me so long, I just thought it would be a massive thaff (is that even a word?! You know what I mean...).

I haven't applied lashes for a couple of years now so this basically makes me an eyelash novice. I know, how can I call myself a beauty blogger?! I was so surprised at how easily these were to apply. I am totally cack handed and one of the clumsiest people in the world (just ask my boyfriend, in the past couple of weeks I've managed to smash a vase, wine glass, mugs... you name it!). So, if I clumsy old me can manage it, so can you!

I found with the Mayfair lashes, I didn't need to trim them, they were the perfect width for my eye, so already this is a massive help. However, everyone has different sized eyes, so do make sure they aren't too long for you before applying. You can do this just by placing the outer lashes on the outside of your lash-line, because you will want them to go all the way to the edge of your eye.

Before I applied the lashes, I do a teeny bit of prep. I finish the base of my make up, apply a pencil eyeliner on my top lid, and one thin coat of mascara, on the top lashes (I do the bottom lashes after my falsies have been applied). 

The trick for me, was to hold the lash by the actual lash, NOT the strip part where you apply the glue. You can also use the little set of tweezers to help you if you find it easier.
The glue comes in a nifty little vile, with an applicator stick, which is great because it’s totally mess free. I put a thin layer of glue one, gently wipe some away with my finger, in the opposite direction of the lash. I did this just to make sure the lash wasn’t too overloaded. DO NOT apply straight away, wait for the glue to turn a little bit see through and tacky, I usually fill in one of my eyebrows while I'm waiting. It takes about 2 minutes to get 'tacky'. When you attach it to your lash-line, it's much easier if the glue is starting to dry as it sticks to your skin straight away, and things don't get messy. 

When I went to the launch event for these lashes, the lovely man who applied them for me told me to apply from the inner corner of your eye, but I tend to start in the middle (which is actually what it says to do in the instructions, so I suppose it's just personal preference).
Apply the lashes with confidence, look down and try not to blink. You want to get the strip as close to your lash line as possible. You can use the tweezers to get the placement right if this helps, although I just used my fingertips. Don't worry if it goes a little bit wrong, you can easily just take them off and try again. The glue dries see-through as well, so you wont get any kind of clumping.

The great thing about these is that they are so light (I think it's because they are made from real hair), you don't even realize you're wearing them, great if like me, you aren't used to wearing them at all. The thing I love the most about the Mayfair lash in particular, is that they are really wearable for the daytime. I've been wearing them to my office (everyone loves them), and I even wore them to play a game of tennis on Sunday night (I'm just cool like that). Lashes that withstand sport and sweating, that's impressive huh ladies?!

This is the forth time I've worn this particular set now, and they're still looking great, so I'm really impressed by them. Millie says you can use them up to 5 times, so I'll definitely be testing this, but I still think 4 times is pretty good going, don't you. That means it works out to about £2 per wear so far. As long as you take them off carefully, and put them back in the packet to keep their shape, they still look new. Because the adhesive dries clear and like a gel, if you have do get a little build up, you can carefully just pull it off, or wipe them gently with an eye-make up remover, and they are good to go again.

This might sound really weird, and nothing to do with the actual lashes, but I really like the look of the box too, the colours and fonts. It’s just so perfect and pristine. You get a little booklet telling you all about the product and a set of instructions incase you need them too. I also think it's really sweet to have the teeny tiny tweezers included too. All in all, I can't recommend these lashes enough. I'm absolutely head over heels for them, you can probably tell by the fact that I've managed to ramble on for so long (sorry!).

For £8.99 I think these are totally worth the money, and I promise I'm not just saying that because I have a huge girl crush on Millie, I actually really rate these. I have another brand new set of the Mayfair, and I also have the Soho lashes, but I can definitely see these becoming a guilty little addiction of mine. The next set I've got my eye on are the Shoreditch lashes.
You can buy Millies lashes from Selfridges or the Nouveau website.

Have you tried Millies Lashes yet? Do you wear fake eyelashes?