After she was diagnosed, naturally we became much closer. We appreciated our little family more, spent more time together and made some really great memories. She became my best friend, and not a day went by where we wouldn't have a jolly good natter on the phone.
I've realized just how incredibly strong, selfless and brave my mum was, and that's pretty inspiring. After we found out she was going to die, I only ever saw her cry once about it. She was the bravest person I know.
I have a great life, I am very happy, but that isn’t the whole story.
There isn’t one thing that has happened since Mum’s death, which I haven’t experienced through the harsh lens of grief. Every single experience, small or large, good or bad, is altered by the fact that I lost the most central and essential person in my life too soon.
There isn’t one thing that has happened since Mum’s death, which I haven’t experienced through the harsh lens of grief. Every single experience, small or large, good or bad, is altered by the fact that I lost the most central and essential person in my life too soon.
The strange and painful truth, is that I think I am a better person because I lost my mum at such a young age. My grief has taught me so many things, it’s showed me shades and hues I could never have otherwise seen. It's shown me I have the power to withstand sorrow (we all do, though we may not know it yet). It’s forced me to grow up. It’s required me to suffer. It’s taught me to be grateful for people. It’s opened my eyes to see beauty in the most unlikely places.
Small things have comforted me… how much I love my mum, even though she isn't here. How powerfully I carry her within me. My grief is tremendous but my love is bigger. I’m not grieving my mum’s death because her death was ugly and unfair, I’m grieving it because I loved her truly. No one can ever touch that love, or alter it, or take it away from me. The beauty in that is far greater than the bitterness of her death. It’s never going to be okay that my mum died, but I am slowly learning to deal with it. Whenever I start feeling upset, because I miss her, I remind myself how lucky I am to have had someone so special to miss. I've learnt that in life we will all lose so many things along the way. Losing stuff is just part of how it works.
If I could ever give anyone one piece of advise, it would be to enjoy people and enjoy all the little moments you have, because these are precious. You will find happiness in the humblest things. Try to make your world beautiful, that's our job while we're here...
Xx
